Please, no more Christmas movies

Published 12:16 pm Tuesday, January 9, 2024

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By Jack Godbey

Contributing Columnist

Am I the only one that is thankful that Christmas if finally over? I, for one, have grown weary looking at everything Christmas everywhere I turn. Never mind that I’ve had to look at the Christmas decorations in Walmart since the middle of October, everywhere I turn I had to endure something associated with Santa, mistletoe or candy canes.

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It seems that every food manufacturer is trying to get in on the massive spending spree that happens at Christmas time. If there is a way to add peppermint or cranberry to anything, they’ll find a way to do it. Yesterday, I saw the special Christmas edition of peppermint flavored Oreos. I couldn’t believe my eyes. How dare they mess with the sanctity of an Oreo. They are perfect just like they are. Later, I saw ham with a cranberry flavored sauce packet. I believe the cranberry at Christmas is much like the pumpkin at Thanksgiving. This is the only time of year that anyone ever considers eating a cranberry and they take full advantage of it. To be fair, the cranberry has its proper place. That place is in the trash can but a place, nonetheless.

While peppermint and cranberry flavored everything is annoying, please for the love of all that’s holy stop with the Christmas movies. To be fair, I’m not a movie guy to begin with. Still, is there anything worse than a Christmas movie. I’m not even talking about those awful Hallmark movies. I’m talking about those movies that most consider classics. Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer is as appealing to me as day-old bread. Rudolph with his insistent wining and complaining because the other reindeer won’t play with him. Did you ever wonder why they won’t play with him? It’s because he a crybaby.

Frosty the Snowman is running around worried about his hat. He doesn’t seem to be the least bit concerned that he isn’t wearing pants. The last thing I want to see is snowman crack. Let us not forget that Frosty stole his beloved hat to begin with. If you’re walking down the road and your hat blows off, the person who finds it doesn’t get to keep it. I wonder if I’m the only one who cheered when this scary talking snowman melted into a puddle.

I’ll not even get started on Charlie Brown Christmas. I never understood why most of my friends were fans to begin with. From what I’ve seen, he can never seem to succeed at anything. I’m sorry but if you trust Lucy to not move the football more than once then at some point you have to take some of the blame. Even Snoopy seems to disrespect him. If I have to look at that scraggly Christmas tree that Charlie Brown seems obsessed with one more time, I might puke.

I can’t comment on Miracle on 34 Street, A Christmas Story or It’s a Wonderful Life because I’ve never mustered enough energy to watch them. However, not all Christmas movies are awful. The Grinch that Stole Christmas is the best. I mean who doesn’t love the Grinch? First, the Grinch is hilarious. From his sarcasm to his witty sense of humor, he’s my kind of guy. This guy knows how to spend Christmas and he knows the importance of spending some quality time at home and he understands the importance of cutting toxic people out of our lives. In the movie, he eventually gets an enlarged heart. Sounds like he might need to see a cardiologist. In his weakened condition, he gives in to the whole nonsense of Christmas, but I suppose he’s allowed a weak moment just like the rest of us.

Now that Christmas is over, we can take down the flashing seizure-inducing lights, return that fish-shaped necktie to the store and put Christmas away for another year.