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Lincoln County soundings: Leave before it’s too late
Ron Nash
June 2, 2010

“Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me,” the old saying goes. It means that if you fall for my trick twice you have to accept the responsibility for what happens to you. You should have been wiser the second time around.

Last week, a man told me a very sad story of abuse. He said his friend’s sister was severely beaten up by her significant other; the guy physically threw the woman out of their home and the police did nothing about it. According to one of the brothers, the man got away with it. Neither he, nor his brothers could do a thing about it because the cops would arrest and charge them with assault and battery if they did.

This happened some time ago, because she has since moved back in with her man, the same guy who supposedly pummeled her.

She had to; at least that is what she told her brothers. She has two children with the guy; he told her he was sorry, that it wouldn’t happen again and the kids needed a father. She told her brothers she probably deserved it, because she told him to stop laying around the house drinking and playing video games, and get a job.

She deserved it … I think not!

Any woman who takes the blame for being battered by her man surely suffers from low self esteem. No one deserves to be abused. The abuser is the one responsible for the abuse; it is a behavioral choice. According to the FBI’s data bank, a woman is beaten every 15 seconds, and 1,500 women are murdered each year as a result of domestic violence in the United States, so if you think he’ll stop, you’re wrong.

If he’s doing or has done any of the following, you’re in the pre-battering stage of domestic violence. Is he verbally abusing you, throwing things, breaking things, making threats, blaming you for the problems in the home? Because if he is, you may rest assured that you are next in line; things won’t get better no matter what you do. You may become quieter, tell the kids to play outside because Daddy is under a lot of stress. You can walk on eggshells, but to be sure, you are next; so do not hang around until you become a statistician’s number.

If you do, the next time he’ll probably slap you, pinch, shove, kick or pull your hair. This time you may get lucky and escape with a black eye, swollen lip or minor bruises, and if that doesn’t show you the handwriting on the wall, at least talk with someone you can trust. The next time you’ll need a friend, I guarantee it.

Let’s say you still think it’s his drinking, stress from the job, kids, drug abuse, or you pick the excuse, because that is exactly what it is … an excuse.

If he doesn’t kill you this time, you can bet your bottom dollar he’ll beat you with a stick, a club, a closed fist or the butt of a gun. Don’t fall either; he may just kick you when you’re down, or drop something on your head. He may even decide to rape you this time. Don’t you think you’ve had enough of the abuse?

I do!

Get out of the home immediately and take the kids. Seventy percent of abuse cases include abuse of the children, too. Go to a friend’s house, or get in your car and get away to a pay phone. Don’t make a credit card call or a cell phone call, because they can be traced and you don’t want this person knowing where you are.

If you take his call, he will promise the moon, but you must stand your ground, because it truly could be a matter of life and death.

Once you’re gone from the home count on leaving the county and maybe even the state forever. There are professionals and volunteers ready and willing to assist in all ways possible. You are not alone in a great big world, though it may seem like you are.

If you have experienced any of the aforementioned abuse, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at (800) 799-7233 or the (800) 656-4673 Sexual Violence Hotline immediately. They will be able to supply the assistance you need to end the abuse for you and your loved ones. So what are you waiting for, make the call; do you really think it’s not going to get any better?

Domestic violence is on the rise in Lincoln County. According to the Administrative Office of the Courts, between 2007 and 2009 there was an increase of approximately 23 percent in reported cases of domestic violence.

That may not seem like a staggering statistic until we learn that only half or less of all domestic violence cases is ever reported. So if you are victim of abuse, make the call today it may just save your life.

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